Unconventional Woman: Taken In Hand And The Alpha Male
Editorial Reviews. Review. Better Than Fiction - Shelly Douglas Jolynn Raymond takes you by Taken In Hand: A Guide to Domestic Discipline, Power Exchange Relationships and Related BDSM Topics - Kindle edition by Jolynn Raymond. An introduction to taken in hand. Consensual, respectful, loving, mutually rewarding and fulfilling monogamous relationships that feature traditional gender roles. Some assume that men in Taken In Hand relationships must have overbearing personalities, but they are in fact more stable and truthful than some men.
We'll be right back. The fairly trivial embarrassment she might feel at having a discussion outside is far outweighed by the long term benefit to you both of her understanding that you are still in charge and not afraid to do whatever is necessary. Learn how to manage the genuine all-out knock-down, drag out fight. Face it, married people fight sometimes. No matter how much she adores you there are times when she will quite simply be enraged, and a simple "Stop it or I'll get the hairbrush," isn't going to work.
Recognize that this is normal, and it doesn't mean you're a failure, or that she will never again recognize your authority. It does mean that you may need a cooling off period.
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My husband tends to withdraw under these circumstances, and appear an hour later with the hairbrush in hand. After my backside is burning, and my ears are ready to listen, then we finish the discussion in a much more calm, sensible manner. In this situation I am always relieved when he does re-establish authority because deep down during a fight I have a panicked feeling that everything is out of control, everything is ruined, and we will never be happy again.
By spanking me, and then having a calm discussion he lets me know that he won't let me ruin our relationship. He loves me too much to let me push him away. It makes me feel very secure. Limit physical aggression to her bottom. Her fantasy of the strong, stern authoritative man is one who will use physical force to spank her bottom.
But you must never, ever, under any circumstances whatsoever, hit her anywhere else with the possible exception of the back of the upper thigh. This means never slap her, punch her, kick her, pull her hair, throw things at her, or use physical violence of any sort.
In order to respect your authority she needs to feel that you have self-control, and that she can trust you absolutely. No matter how angry my husband might be, if he tells me to come to him I can do so without fear. I might fear for my bottom, but I know that he will never strike me anywhere else, and that he would never do me lasting harm.
This also means, unfair as it may seem, that even if she slaps you, or throws something at you, you should never reciprocate. You have more physical strength, and you have the authority to put her over your knee.
That means you don't need to brawl. If you tell your wife that you will not tolerate cursing, and that she will be spanked for this, then you need to control your own cursing. If you tell her you will spank her for leaving her clothes on the floor, then be sure to pick up your own clothes. A double standard will seem unfair, and it will also make her feel as if you are just grasping for rules without really caring about them. Sometimes there will be exceptions: Just like a child will say to a parent "How come you get ice-cream before dinner and I don't?
I heard you swear. Why is it you can swear but I get spanked? I'm the guy with the paddle, and you're the girl with the bottom.
Do I need to demonstrate? Be willing to say "Because I said so. Be willing to say, "Look, I've made my decision.PERMISSION: Real Life CDD Blog Posts
You agreed to accept my authority, and I intend to hold you to it. I'm not a perfect guy, and this isn't a perfect world. He just wasn't up to it. Don't delay discipline any longer than is absolutely necessary.
If you think she should be spanked for a sarcastic remark, it is infinitely more effective if you take her by the arm, and lead her to the bathroom, the bedroom, the garage, and administer the swats right then. When you wait, she feels like she's not important enough to be worked into the schedule. Also, delay dilutes the emotional impact of discipline. You may find that you are not as annoyed, and she may not be as defiant. Maybe in the intervening time she has had a hard day, or done something particularly sweet that makes it seem not right to spank her somehow.
This is why it's best to deal with these things as soon as you possibly can. Also, if you have a habit of waiting until bedtime, then she might well be too tired to really benefit, and she might also get the message that you really intend this as sexual foreplay, rather than real discipline. Sometimes, what is most effective for me is if my husband gives me a few good swats right at the moment, and then another, longer harder spanking at bedtime.
Sometimes for a woman, crying during or after a spanking is very powerful emotionally. She's letting down barriers.
It doesn't mean anything is wrong. It doesn't mean you're a terrible bad man and you've injured her. At the same time, you shouldn't try to get her to cry from the pain of the spanking itself.
A lot of women have an enormous amount of control, and can bear excruciating pain without tears.
So don't judge the harshness of the spanking by tears alone. I never used to cry, but now I find that I cry pretty easily.
For me personally, to climb on my husband's lap after a hard spanking, and cuddle against his chest, weeping softly as he rocks me and strokes my hair, has an intense emotional impact unlike any other.
Be prepared to be tested. Sometimes men are confused when a woman asks them to set limits, and then the woman ignores those limits.
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Understand, she is not looking for a set of rules because she's too stupid to know what should and shouldn't be done. She's not wanting to be the meek little wife. She's wanting to feel your authority. She wants to push against a wall and feel its rock-solid strength. She wants to know that you really truly mean what you say, and you're prepared to back it up.
And sometimes, to be perfectly honest, she wants you to toss her over your knee and spank her hard. When you understand this, then you won't be surprised when she misbehaves. It is important that you be firm when she tests you. Don't think that this means things aren't working. This is perfectly normal. Be prepared to change tactics when spanking really isn't working.
Sometimes, no matter how often you spank her for a particular behavior, she'll keep doing it. That's when you need to re-evaluate, and figure out what's going on. Is she doing the behavior because she needs to be spanked? Is it just too hard for her to change? If it is a behavior you seriously want ended, and spanking isn't working, then I would suggest you have a serious talk with her.
He'd give her what she needed and what he needed and it was simple. There is also a sexual element to "tih". There is something arousing to a submissive female about the unshackled male. There's an oddly exciting element to non sexual dominance. Giving ultimate power to someone outside the bedroom is rattling. Put in on and remove it like a coat at the door.
- How To Establish A Modern Male Led Relationship
You can be totally vulnerable in the boudoir but put up your shields everywhere else. Submissive partners do have to adjust to the frequency of sex, as well the spontaneity of it. I know many "tih" women who say their husbands want sex at the strangest times: But most of the women say that their sex drive has increased to match their mates. There is something arousing about him wanting you and yielding to him. For some the dominance itself is a turn on when he is intimidating you're reminded of his manhood: In male dominated "tih" more often than not the submissive female is someone who is dominant in her career or life outside the relationship.
It's an interesting set of concepts. The wanting to release the reigns to a competent partner. Similar to dominant female wolves who only expose their throats to their male partners. She may be absolutely dominant in the corporate arena and extremely content to be dominated by her mate. Most relationships today are of consensual equality and few choose the imbalance of "tih" but for those who have the desire to freely yield to or freely dominate a worthy mate it might be for you.
It is ultimate giving on both parts. From the submissive perspective: Do not underestimate this.
If you are not the best she has ever had, the relationship will eventually fail. As hard as it is to write this, you need to ask yourself whether you are truly ready to spank your women. When you take over responsibility to discipline a women, you take on responsibility for her mental and physical wellbeing. You need to be able to take care of yourself before you put yourself in a position where you are taking care of another person.
In generations past it would have simply been expected than a man discipline his wife. Once you are regularly giving her the best, most dominant sex of her life, her submissive emotional inner-core will be exposed and ripe for re-programming. Your verbal commands should not come as a complete shock to her, but rather as a continuation of a theme you are building on.
If you mix up these commands with other sexual, dirty talk, she will not know where fantasy and reality begins and ends. In parallel with continuous sexual domination and verbal re-programming, you also need to commence the intellectualisation and rationalisation phase.
Note that during the sexual domination phase it is critical to have an especially plump and powerful cock. Just as the current generation of women lack traditional femininity, the average modern man is also weak and foolish. Given this cultural zietgeist, it is essential that your women is able to intellectualise and rationalise her new role — as this will be a major life change for her.