Women who come on too strong | Futurescopes
If you've been dating guys who tend to come on too strong too fast, to change and it's truly too early in the relationship for you to ask him to. Here are seven common early relationship mistakes you might Being too available or coming on too strong can be a turn off and can make. Wondering if you're coming on too strong to the women you're interested IF she just met you and isn't invested in any kind of relationship yet.
First, there is a big difference between being a strong woman in terms of being independent and decisive, with sound values and ethics, and coming on too strong to someone in terms of being opinionated, judgmental and overwhelming — whether sexually or by overriding their views.
And therein lies the difference between being assertive and being arrogant. On the other hand, arrogance leaves no room for the above, it borders on the egotistical with an element of superiority, and overconfidence, which is annoying in the extreme when you have to deal with it. They figure that a man would appreciate a straightforward approach and knowing where he stands.
And they are not wrong in thinking that. But they begin treading on dangerous terrain when they get carried away and start behaving in a loud, vulgar, trashy or inappropriate manner. But unless a man is pretty desperate, this kind of behavior merely merits the wrong kind of attention. Howard, a director in a reputed firm, had a run-in with just such a woman. He was nursing his drink at the bar when she sat next to him and proceeded to put the moves on him.
But instead of turning him on, it was, in fact, a huge turn off. In his words, "She began to throw herself at me, drinking a little too much and talking so loudly, it embarrassed the heck out of me. A man does like to pursue a woman to a certain extent; it increases the anticipation and makes the rewards sweeter. If everything is handed to him on a platter, it robs him of the thrill of the chase.
For men, if what they consider their domain is taken away from them, they tend to feel somewhat emasculated! Sometimes women, who have been hurt in the past or had a bad experience with men, tend to play around with them just as a form of vengeance. The first one, dressed up in a suit, approaches her in a very passive manner, barely letting his words come out. On the other hand, Tom Brady shows up in speedos and a tight shirt, hugs her firmly, starts flirting with her in an aggressive manner, and before he is done, she picks up her purse and she is ready to go on a date.
Moral of the story: Be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and the vibes you are putting out there.
They do make a difference. Any interaction between two individuals is a two-way street. In addition to your own self-awareness, this is really a matter of boundaries. And we all have different threshold of tolerance, so you will have to communicate how you feel assertively. But first, you may need to do a quick assessment: What makes it feel too much for you?
His words, his looks, his mannerisms, his invasion of your personal space, his over-texting or over-calling? But he may be able to change a few of his communication behaviors, verbal and non-verbal. Give him some specific steps on how to ease up to your level of comfort while considering his feelings.
It could be that he is shy and socially awkward. It may have taken him a while to even get his courage to speak up. Sometimes when they are trying too hard, passive people can pendulum all the way to the other side and appear uncomfortable and aggressive. Now, once you give them some proper guidance and just a little bit of time while you do some more checking around to validate or invalidate your first impressionand realize he is not passive, or shy, or nervous, he is just aggressive and does not care about invading your physical and emotional space, you just RUN the other way!
Ruxandra LeMay, PsyD — www.
3 Ways To Not Come On Too Strong At The Beginning Of A Relationship
This is even more frustrating when it's someone you like and could potentially have a relationship with. If you find yourself in this situation, the first question to ask is: Do you like him to begin with?
I mean, coming on strong aside, is he someone you would have otherwise liked to date? If the answer is NO, then simply you aren't a match and you can gently let him know you don't think you two are a good fit. If the answer is YES, then first ask yourself what is bothering you about his behavior? Is he crossing your personal boundaries?
Or is he some place in the relationship that you just aren't feeling yet but would like to get to know him better? Are you really ready for the type of relationship that he wants as well?
If it's simply a matter of boundaries and space then it would be beneficial to have a phone conversation with him politely expressing what it is you need. If he is understanding and is respectful of your wishes then all is well.
If not, then perhaps you both aren't the best match together. Another consideration is to honestly ask yourself how ready you are for a relationship with a man so available? That's if he isn't being overbearing or possessive and it's simply a matter of eagerly expressing his great interest. With myself and many of my clients it took a lot of inner work and growth in self love to feel ready to receive this kind of open demonstration of love.
It wasn't until I was ready to meet my soulmate that I finally wanted a man to call me every day and talk on the phone for hours. It wasn't until I was ready to meet my soul mate that it didn't weird me out that he said he loved me after two months of dating.
And it wasn't until I was ready to meet my soul mate that I felt happy to get engaged after just 7 months of dating. Thinking about the above questions and situations honestly will help you create a clearer solution about what to do when a man comes on too strong. Dina Robison, Love Coach - www. What is his agenda? There are various reasons why. Read on below to find out.
How To Deal When He Comes On Too Strong Too Fast - Soulfulfilling Love
If a man is interested in getting to know your mind, what you believe in, what you stand for, how you think about the world, your interests and passions, then he will be respectful of taking the physical part of your relationship slowly. Tell him you are interested in a serious relationship and want to take things slowly. Let him know you feel uncomfortable moving so quickly and want to slow things down. If he is a good guy, then he will be respectful of your feelings.
If he agrees but then continues to come on too strong with the physical part, then gauge you emotions. Decide whether you want to discuss this topic with him again or if you rather let him go.
He really likes you for you Maybe he has good intentions. Maybe he is really attracted to you emotionally, intellectually and physically.
Explain to him if you feel overwhelmed or scared or any other emotions that you experience when he comes on too fast. If he really likes you for you, then he will be very willing to listen to what you have to say and will be respectful of your feelings.
He has an anxious attachment style He is used to moving things quickly on the emotional front. He craves a lot of attention from you and reassurance that you like him. Is he trying to spend lots of time with you — even more than you are already spending together?
If you possess a secure attachment style, then this will most likely be easy for you to handle. Another reason why you might have avoidant tendencies could be due to betrayal by a romantic partner. You have a tendency to protect yourself from getting hurt and a fear that you will be left. In order to avoid these disappointments in a relationship, you leave your partner before they can leave you. Or you pull away as soon as you feel a bond is starting to form between the two of you.
So you do everything you can to avoid your feelings from growing. You might be pleasantly surprised that he may want to help you, especially if he possesses an anxious or secure attachment - Consider seeking out therapy to help you move from avoidant attachment style to secure attachment style Please note: Anxious people make great partners. But if you are avoidant, single and reading this, then consider avoiding yes, I said avoiding anxious partners until you become more secure. If you are avoidant and in a current relationship with an anxious partner, then use the coping skills above to assess your triggers, reactions to those triggers and emotions associated with those triggers.
This will help you to get to know yourself better, get to know what kind of partner you feel most comfortable with and, as a result, you will find happiness in your romantic life. Here are some things you can do in this situation: Say it with gentleness and assurance that you are enjoying getting to know him.
Be honest but tactful and think about how you would want to hear that you were coming on too strong in a relationship.
Women who come on too strong
First, make sure that you know what your precise emotions are in this situation. Maybe you even vowed as a child not to let anyone push you around when you grew up. Or, perhaps you have gotten involved too quickly in the past to your detriment and know that you do better when you can take your time.
Or, he may have lost someone or more than one someone he cared about greatly because he was afraid to show his feelings and his fear was interpreted by his partner as indifference. Give him time to reflect on your question and listen carefully to his answers, both in words and tone.
Make no mistake, you do not want to get involved with a man who gets defensive when you share your needs and feelings and ask him to act differently. On the other hand, if this discussion goes well and you can strike a comfortable balance and pace in the relationship that meets both of your needs, this is an excellent sign that he has the capacity to listen and learn.
Observe his follow through If he agrees to make changes in the relationship to suit you, notice if he does. Some men talk a good game, but have poor follow through. The key is to give two clear messages.
One, that you are interested in him, attracted to him and that you are enjoying the process of getting to know him if this is true, of course. And the other message is that you want and need to move into romance and intimacy in your way, on your time schedule, and only when you're ready. I suggest keeping your pants on until the two of you have determined that you only want to date each other, and until you've talked about what sex means to both of you. Meanwhile, don't give him the impression that you don't enjoy intimacy and sexual expression.
There's a fine line between being a "cold fish" and a tart. A good man will wait for it; in fact, a good man will be very likely to toss aside a woman who gives it up too easily.
Here's the trick -- be warm and affectionate, generous with your time, your resources and your attention, but also have the courage to set your boundaries. Be playful and receptive, letting him know that he has your attention and that when the clothes start flying, it'll be worth the wait.
As my mom says, "Keep your legs crossed and your panties on!