In making a genuine attempt to overcome cheating in a relationship, there are three factors to consider regarding the aspects of infidelity. has changed and it is natural to grieve the relationship you once had. Infidelity is one of the more difficult challenges a marriage can face. He Cheated, She Forgave Him; How Did They Overcome Infidelity? and honesty began to restore Shannon's sense of trust and safety in the relationship.
A period of positive introspection enables you to create an emotional clearing for the next relationship Click To Tweet A great tool of reflection and self healing is letter writing. In her thought-provoking book, In the MeantimeIyanla Vanzant says: We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.
How to deal with Infidelity in a Relationship
Staying together For couples that turn their crisis into an opportunity, they will need to redefine their relationship. For the former, both individuals might have some work to do. Often it takes learning new ways of being. In terms of communication, that might involve some serious stepping up as if an affair has happened, you may have already became a bit unstuck in this area. One well known technique from highly esteemed relationship expert Harville Hendrix is the Imago Dialogue.
The Imago Dialogue is an enhanced way of communicating which essentially involves only saying the things that sustain a relationship.
When we are negative about our partners, this is just a way of us regulating intimacy both our greatest fear and our greatest desire as humans.
Begin a new dialogue. Problems cannot be solved at the same level of consciousness at which they were created.
A blog about mental and emotional health By Dana Vince, M. Read More When Shannon and Toby first came into my office for marriage counseling, they had already begun the healing process.
He Cheated, She Forgave Him; How Did They Overcome Infidelity?
They were talking more and sharing more than they ever had in their marriage before. They were already using this very painful experience to grow as individuals and as a couple. Toby grew up in a family where there was a lot of screaming and fighting.
Things would go from quiet and peaceful to extremely stressful in a short amount of time and these outbursts between his parents were unpredictable. He also described himself as the kid other kids made fun of. Because of this he came to avoid conflict at all costs in his own marriage.
Maintaining Relationships: How To Overcome Cheating
If things got loud, he felt very unsafe and would shut down. In his marriage, he would stuff his feelings and rarely share himself for fear of that conflict or rejection. Because he avoided, this was not something he shared with her. During this time he was contacted by an ex from college.
Overcoming infidelity: emotional infidelity and sexual affair
She came on strong because to her, he was the one that got away. He was seduced by the level of desire she had for him and slowly crossed the boundary from friendship into an affair. This affair lasted for one year. At times he tried to break it off, but she would threaten him with telling his wife. While there are times that affairs occur because of lack of love for a spouse, this is not always the case. In this case, Toby loved his wife very much and did not want to lose her.
When Shannon found out about the affair, she did not get angry and lash out.