Like almost anything in life, the first step towards restoring relationship trust is to cultivate awareness. Acknowledging a partner's betrayal may. You question not only what the other person did, but how you let the betrayal happen. For a relationship to move forward after a betrayal, it is important that trust. If your partner had an affair, or betrayed your trust in some other major to know how to make a relationship work after cheating took place.What Can We Learn Through Betrayal?
The question you keep asking yourself, over and over is, "Will she ever trust me again? Emotional connection and distance occupy the same space, resulting in a tug-of-war between two souls.
Even amid the silent treatment, her eyes speak to you saying, "Can we survive this? Depending upon the strength and foundation of the relationship, many couples do not survive. The betrayal cuts too deep, leaving wounds that can remain raw for years. The betrayed partner often is the one who finds the emotional and psychological injury too painful to overcome.
The impact of broken trust determines whether the relationship can be saved. The severity of the sting felt by the betrayed partner is very individual and will differ for each person depending on the situation. Certain factors make it much harder for the injured party to move forward.
These factors typically include: Infidelity involving short-term or long-term emotional and sexual affairs Deceptions involving lies, including hidden or withheld information Leading double lives involving another relationship or family that pulls time and financial resources from the primary relationship Repeated instances of infidelities, lies, and deceptions, after repeated promises to change and remain faithful The lack of trust is so familiar to many couples that they have come to accept it as the status quo.
To understand the concept of violation, let's return to the scenario of the betrayed woman. You may wonder why she can't accept your apology and move past your indiscretion. She says to you, "You just don't get it. She believed this to be a "safe place," where the emotional connection between the both of you reside. Lying and infidelity usually fall within the "no fly-zones" of committed relationships when it comes to what ranks as top deal breakers. So when the promise to be honest and faithful is not upheld, the broken trust not only involves damaged verbal promises but a break in a core commitment to each other, on an emotional and spiritual level.
When these lines have been crossed, or even blurred by indiscretion, a painful violation has occurred, resulting in a broken bond of oneness of heart and spirit between the both of you.
The toughest pain to heal in a committed relationship is the pain of betrayal - the wound of a broken trust.
But it takes a lot of patience, honesty, self-introspection, and forgiveness. It also should be expected that you, the offending partner, will unfortunately have the bulk of the work to do, as you attempt to rebuild your relationship and get your partner to trust you again.
Here are some practical steps you can take to begin that journey toward healing. Decide What You Really Want - Before making any impulsive apologies and promises to change, make sure you want to remain in the relationship. Consider that you may have been sabotaging your way out of a relationship to which you are no longer committed. Make sure your decision to win your girlfriend's trust back is not done purely out of guilt and obligation.
Honesty Upfront - When your girlfriend confronts you, confess. Think of it as your first test which is an assessment by her to see if she can trust you again. Denying what she already knows or may have proof of only feeds into the deception, further diminishing her ability or desire to trust you. Consider confessing before you get caught; it will increase her ability to believe that you are sincere in wanting to correct the error of your ways and make things right.
Take Ownership and Responsibility - It is a fact that when a relationship goes sour, it's usually a two-way street when it comes to taking responsibility for what went wrong. But in cases of broken trust, deception, and infidelity, it's important to take full responsibility for the choices you made in dealing with the issue.
Once the secret is out, it's not a good time to divert, deflect, or place blame elsewhere, except where it belongs.
Focus on your own behavior and refrain from finger-pointing in an attempt to justify your bad choices. Express Empathy - To be empathic means to imagine what another person is feeling in a particular experience, as if you've stepped into their shoes.
To express empathy means you have shown understanding on an emotional level, with words.
How to Heal From Broken Trust and Get My Partner to Trust Me Again | PairedLife
To that end, familiarize yourself with the feeling words that accompany the emotional impact of broken trust. They include, but are not limited to: Try to use these feeling words in conversations with your girlfriend to validate her and show cause-and-effect between her feelings and your behavior. For example, "I can see now how my choice to deceive you causes you to feel anger, hurt, and rage toward me. Show Remorse - To be remorseful means to have a conscience.
It implies that you are able to assess possible character flaws within yourself and look at the effect your choices have had on the person you hurt.
How to Heal From Broken Trust and Get My Partner to Trust Me Again
In order to show remorse, you have to come across as sincere in believing that you did something wrong, and be accountable for it. A certain level of guilt has to be evident in an apology, with no excuses or justifications.
The easiest way to show remorse is to let go of any bravado, defensiveness, or attitudes that run counter to your goal of winning back your girlfriend's trust. Create New Trust - In order to regain trust after a violation of it, you may have to accept that it is truly broken beyond repair. When trust is damaged by infidelity, memories of the deception are forever attached to the incident, or multiple incidents. So it becomes incredibly difficult to "rebuild new trust" from what has been tarnished without throwing away the "old trust" first.
This is done by making new promises with sincerity by pledging to uphold a new trust bond between the both of you, starting today. Your trust is measured by what you do and not just what you say. For example, if you say you'll arrive home after work at Your behavior is the yardstick by which your trust is now measured, a day at a time, until consistency is achieved and new trust begins to grow.
Don't Create Suspicion - Be careful not to trigger your girlfriend's fears and insecurities by engaging in behavior that reminds her of your past indiscretions. Even when you aren't doing anything wrong, she is now hypersensitive to every ring of the phone and ping notification of an email or text message.
She'll wonder who you're talking to if you leave the room to answer a call. She will suspect you are meeting with someone other than who you say you're meeting with for drinks. Be aware from her point of view of what it looks like if you share your social or travel plans with her and the location changes. Are you willing to do it? Walk out the front door. Okay, if you are still with me, then there is a chance for you to rebuild trust in a relationship wrecked with lies, deception, or sneakiness.
Growth is painful—ask anyone trying to get into shape. Using new muscles and developing new habits takes effort and focus, and a degree of suffering. Anyway, I am about to break it down into six things you can do to begin rebuilding trust.
Plus, a bonus option you need to consider seriously. All of these steps are written with the assumption you betrayed your spouse or significant other. If it was someone else, you may be able to adapt the steps to fit your situation. Consistency To rebuild trust, I had to be consistent. Anything I committed to do, I had to see it through. My wife lived in fear of the uncertain ground I created by lying. When I would start something only to fall quickly back into past behavior, this just reminded her of how little she could count on me.
So, if you start something, stick to it. There are some pitfalls to consistency, but you must stay consistent or the person you betrayed will see this as playing with their trust or heart. Stay consistent, or you waste your efforts. I think I know what the word means, but not what it means, mechanically. What am I supposed to do proactively? Take action on your own initiative. Meeting Needs The person you broke trust with has specific needs. Find out what they are. Now, go back to step two, and start meeting these needs proactively.
Once they tell you what they need, go do it. This is the growth process I mentioned earlier. You will have to set aside your own needs to meet the needs of the other person.
Considering some possible alternatives, this is a small price to pay. Openness Openness and honesty are two sides of the same coin.
Honesty means if I ask you a question, you tell me the truth. Rebuilding trust requires a new level of communication with the person whom you betrayed. You must talk to them about what you are doing, plain and simple.
Openness is a requirement. Giving full access to the person you betrayed will help them see your commitment to do whatever it takes to make things right. So, if you betrayed them through money, give them access to the bank accounts.
If you cheated in the relationship, give them the passwords to your phone, computer, social media, and anything else you can think of so they can determine and verify what you are up to.
Vulnerability When it comes to the scariest words in the English language, vulnerability is probably near the top—at least it was for me. Vulnerability is the very reason I lied to my wife. The truth makes me vulnerable to her judgment, rejection, or anger; all of which were justified from my behavior. I tell the guys I work with: For me, that was my anger when she would ask uncomfortable questions. This is an effective way of telling another person to shut up.
Effective, but not helpful or healthy. Anger is one way to stop the conversation. Or you might run away or shut down. The other person really needs you to listen even though it feels awful to discuss the topic they brought up. They need you to know how bad it feels for them. This is difficult because it requires us to double-down on how rotten it feels to hear how our unhealthy behavior impacts someone close to us. Ownership Take responsibility for your actions and the impact those actions had on the other person.