Building Interdependent Relationships - Norwest Christian College
There is a difference between interdependency and codependency. In any relationship, people are mutually dependent (that's the very definition of a . Unfortunately, this is something you have very little power over, if any at all. A typical. Beginning very early for almost every child is this desire to do things on his own, to be Another comment from the same little girl, who is now trying to cut out pictures with an in the growth of the child or the subordinate, and thus enhance the relationship between the two. It is . Interdependence means working together. Oct 21, Being codependent in your relationship is just toxic in nature. "But I define codependency in relationships as being overly preoccupied with "Besides, a little time apart also creates mystique and plays into that tried but true.
Collaboration is also seen as necessary for innovation and productivity due to the combined cognitive effort. In many situations, collaboration brings about more powerful possibilities and efficiencies — whilst we may have more people in the room, the ideas and problem-solving potential is amplified and in general, more resource efficient.
There is a skill set familiar to natural collaborators. They are open-minded, flexible, empathetic, decisive, respectful and self-aware. They are good communicators, excellent listeners and work well with people.
Interdependence · Enduring Ideas · Handheld Art
They see the benefits of compromise, consensus-building and mediation. And they bring their own technical knowledge to the table.
As parents and teachers, we understand that each of these are skills that are desirable. At school we have a range of strategies to grow collaborative skills and a sense of interdependence between students in our learning community. We are each responsible, to an extent, for the learning of another. But what about growing collaboration in families? Do we take the time to develop collaboration in other family and social settings?
My strong encouragement is to do so! When our children value interdependent relationships, they are more resilient and relational. For instance, Jane N. She calls home at least three times a week to talk with her parents, to get their advice on her courses, purchases she is going to make, activities she is considering.
She feels uneasy and insecure when she has to make a decision before talking with her mother and dad. Her parents are openly pleased with Jane, and they tell their friends with pride that Jane is a real home girl who loves her family —not one of those wild types of college students.
They are glad Jane relies on their judgment and that she so often calls home for advice. They feel needed and important, and their relationship with their daughter is very satisfying to them. This example points out some of the elements of a strong dependency-development relationship.Interdependent Relationships vs being independent or dependent
The persons in the authority positions in this case the parents are using the subordinate person the daughter to meet many of their own needs. But in a real sense they are selfish, for they unknowingly have been meeting more of their own needs without considering the long-range well-being of their daughter. There are times when dependency is legitimate and useful.
Occasions will arise in which a person needs help beyond his own resources. All of us must at times depend on others—doctors, teachers, counselors, repairmen, friends, parents—when conditions face us that are beyond our resources to handle effectively alone.
Dependency becomes crippling when a person no longer seeks to develop his own resources or to move to a more collaborative stance with persons in authority, but automatically assumes he cannot do anything without the guidance, support, and influence of others. All human beings start out in life from a position of almost complete dependency on others.
The development of the child away from complete dependency is the responsibility of those adults who occupy positions of authority over him. How to use authority to help others grow is the major challenge of every parent and every person in a position of authority. Too often authority persons become concerned with the wrong goals—parents want children who are only well behaved, teachers want only quiet classrooms or students who will do and say what the teachers want; administrators want subordinates who will obey without question, who are yes-men.
Building Interdependent Relationships
One way to achieve these goals is to deliberately or unconsciously create dependency in others. If everyone actually does only what he wants, without taking others into account, we have anarchy.
As parents see this tendency in their children, they often try to stifle, reduce, or change it. There seems to be a subtle and sometimes not so subtle struggle going on between the adults, who want to channel or control, and the youngsters, who want to be independent and free to do as they please.
It is this basic struggle that underlies counter-dependency. Some people get caught up in a resistance pattern to those in authority and expend much time and energy in finding ways to resist the influence of those over them. Sometimes this negative response is the result of a wrong approach by the authority, be he parent, teacher, boss, or leader.
Perhaps the authority initiates directions toward the subordinate in a way that is demeaning and robs the individual of personal dignity.
The Lord had this to say about the use and abuse of authority: It should not be assumed, however, that when resistance and reaction occur, it is always the fault of the authority person. Often the authority person may be behaving in a very appropriate manner but the subordinate has been so conditioned to resent and rebel against authority that, no matter how the superior acts, the subordinate always responds negatively.
Sometimes this means that in order to achieve a new and more effective level of interaction, both subordinate and authority need to reexamine their attitudes and behavior and work out a change. Independence is not used, for it suggests that the subordinate is freed from those in authority and goes his own way.
Of necessity we are an interdependent people. Unfortunately, most people have not learned interdependence with others. From the gospel and from writers and researchers in the field of human behavior we have the following actions that can be taken by one in authority and will lead toward greater interdependence: Any subordinate person must know that the person in authority over him really cares about him as a person, and not only if he does what he is told. Too many parents and other authorities present conditional love as the basis of a relationship: Parents need to sit down and talk about their feelings of love and concern with their children, bishops with ward members, bosses with subordinates.
Feelings of the heart need to be shared, no matter how awkward or difficult it may be.