What is a Spark??? - vifleem.info Community Forums
In relationships, love, is there such a thing as a spark, and if so what is it, how would we define it. We've all heard people involved in happy. Most relationships start with a spark. What's a spark, you ask? But, like all things in life, the spark isn't forever and eventually burns off. Like all things in life, But that doesn't mean it's gone forever. You can lose the spark. Dear Sarah,. I'm dating a great guy but it feels like there's something missing. After having a string of bad relationships, I finally put myself and.
They go through the motions of being together or involved but without bringing the energy, independence, and affection that once colored their relationship. The risk in fusing our identity with another person is that we often lose the respect and attraction we once held for that person.
We also stand to lose ourselves in the relationship, rather than maintaining the unique qualities that gave us confidence and drew our partners to us in the first place. When couples lose these real feelings for each other, rather than challenging destructive patterns in their relating, they tend to either throw away the relationship or sink deeper into fantasy for fear of losing each other or being alone.
The good news is these feelings of excitement can be restored.
Fantasy bonds exist on a continuum. Some couples are deeper into fantasy than others. Most people fluctuate between moments of being truly close and moments of substituting fantasy for real love. By recognizing the degree to which you engage in a fantasy connection as opposed to a sincere form of relating, you can challenge negative habits and patterns, and experience new and exciting stages of your relationship.
On March 20, I will be hosting a CE Webinar on The Fantasy Bond, which will present a model for an ideal relationship that combines emotional closeness and sexual intimacy, while each partner maintains a differentiated and individuated sense of self.
In the meantime, here are a few key ways to identify if you are in a fantasy bond and how you and your partner can go about changing it. Loss of Physical Attraction — When we form a fantasy of fusion with another person, we tend to eventually lose some of our physical attraction to that person.
Relying on someone to take care of us or looking to them to complete us puts a heavy burden on our relationship. When we view our partners as the independent and attractive individuals they are, we can keep a fresh level of excitement and affection for them.
"My boyfriend is awesome, but I'm not feeling that spark. Is that OK?" - HelloGiggles
Rather than driving us apart, this separateness actually allows us to feel our attractions and choose to be together. Think about the state people are in when they first fall in love. They are drawn to each other based on their unique attributes.
Their individuality is viewed with interest and respect, qualities we should aim to maintain even decades after being with someone romantically.Why We Go Cold On Our Partners
Letting yourself go physically or mentally — When we reach a level of comfort in a relationship, we may tend to care a little less about how we look and how we take care of ourselves. We may be more likely to act out without regard or consideration for the ways we not only hurt our partners but ourselves.
We may gain weight or engage in unhealthy habits, drinking more or exercising less. They are often ways of protecting ourselves from sustained closeness. They often serve to shatter our self-esteem and push our partners away. They also tend to have a deadening effect on our relationship, weakening our confidence and vitality. Failing to share activities — Early on in our relationships, we are often our most open, excited to try new things and share new adventures.
As we fall into routine, we often resist novel experiences.
"My boyfriend is awesome, but I'm not feeling that spark. Is that OK?"
We become more cynical, skeptical, and less willing to do things with our partners. Consistently doing things that your partner perceives as loving will also help keep the spark alive. Less personal relating — When you do take the time to relate to your partner, do you still talk about anything meaningful? It may take months to fade, or it may take years.
But it is the obvious eventual side effect of the very familiarity you seek. I say shallow because everyone eventually has had that feeling — and strongly — for a person they know they have no business dating. That goal is ultimately antithetical to romance by nature; a fact that successful monogamists use as a starting point; they do not hide from it, nor do they leave it alone and hope it will spark itself from time to time without any work.
The trick is to find out which one you are, and be that.
- In Romantic Relationships, You’re Either A Spark-Chaser Or A Long Burner
If you are that person who has ended a long-term relationship over not feeling the magic, then you owe it to yourself and others to become a polyamorist. There is no in-between. American culture is dead wrong about this.
If you are thirty or over and always looking for the person who will satisfy every need while making you feel like you are in love, you need to stop being in relationships.
There is also no evolutionary purpose to the in love feeling lasting longer than it takes to produce offspring. Sorry, but nature is far from romantic. They should, and they do. They are comfortable doing so because they are rooted in where the relationship is and have the emotional depth to roll with the tide, to endure the plateaus, and to always seek the best in the other person.
Are you interested in always being in and out of love? Admit that poly is best for you.