IF YOU LOVE HIM OR HER YOU WILL QUARREL! – INSPIRATIONAL ARTICLES OF DESTINY EDOHO
Steven Lake explores how this works in relationship. know the good, the bad and the ugly of ourselves and our partners, and still love them. No one can judge a relationship except those who are in it (though we all do anyway) That said, there are quarrels, and then there are those epic, . fights, if you're with someone whose outlook on life and love is completely. You don't know him or her until there is a quarrel. A quarrel tests And patience is a virtue that can sustain a relationship. Any relationship.
The answer is that they do not quarrel because one of them walks out of the room the minute a hot issue is raised. This is not a role that shifts but is perpetrated by the one spouse over and again, driving the other mate to feel utterly frustrated. Most often I have heard this complaint from women about their husbands. In other words, these are men who refuse to fight, respond to a question or resolve an issue.
The more she gets angry the more silent he becomes. It is just no possible to have an argument with someone who refuses to argue. Of course, what he is doing is saving up all kinds of grievances that he may or may not be aware that he has against her. The problem with this husband is that one day he explodes into uncontrollable anger over some utterly minor issue.
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With small annoyances mounting for months or years these men reach a "boiling point" where they explode in a way that shocks and surprises even them selves. After this cathartic experience, this man then returns to his quiet tranquility once again, leaving his wife completely confused and, of course, angry. There are those people who place the blame constantly on the other.
Let us take a fictional example of this blaming scenario: The couple has three children, all elementary school age. One of them has been diagnosed with a learning disability and the youngest sibling may have a similar problem. Only the eldest child is free of learning problems and is doing well. The father ignores the fact that the children have learning problems and blames his wife for the children doing poorly in school. He complains that she does not help them with their homework and places all blame on her when report card grades are poor.
What he ignores is the fact that she does help them with homework but he does not because he is busy smoking marijuana in another room after coming home from work and having dinner.
In fact, this man blames his wife for the house being messy, the clothes not being clean and the bills not being paid in a timely fashion.
IF YOU LOVE HIM OR HER YOU WILL QUARREL!
What he ignores is that she works part time, takes the children to and from school, makes dinner, and does do the laundry and cleans the house. She complains that with three kids to look after she needs help with some of the chores but he refused to help out at all. She sarcastically notes that helping might interfere with his marijuana smoking.
By the way, he blames his wife for the fact that the eldest child is over weight!
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I could continue this way but the point is made that these are not good ways to argue. How to argue better: It is important to set up rules for arguing, sit down and agree on what those rules should be and keep them posted in a visible place.
Here are some rules: Stay focused on the topic of disagreement and do not stray from that topic for any reason. Refrain from using curse words and most definitely do not hurl vile epitaphs at your mate.
Do not derail the issue by saying something like: Instead of trying to "win" the argument work on coming to some kind of consensus. A quarrel creates a platform for t he woman to submit and the man to show love.
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A confrontation will give you revelation. To walk away or to continue becomes clearer. Too much quarrel that ends with physical abuse is a danger sign.SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP IN 30 SECONDS
And patience is a virtue that can sustain a relationship. An engaged couple came for counseling. They were preparing for marriage. And both stared at each other with a smile. The pastor nodded his head. Hurt yourself and see how much you can forgive yourselves.
See how you can disagree to agree. The fight is important. It test your compatibility.
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But you must fight fair. I am not talking about throwing insults at each other or physical assault. I am talking about disagreements.
Marriage is not for two perfect people. It is for two imperfect people who seek to make their marriage perfect. They work hard to make sure that they are together.
They have a deep understanding for each other because they realize that they are both fragile, human. And so they look up to God. The test of your compatibility is after the quarrel. It is your capacity to forgive each other that determines how compatible you both are. Strong marriages are built on forgiveness. You see, there will be many offenses in your marriage. Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is something we must do. Forgiveness is a product of faith acting without feelings.
Quarrel is an important test in compatibility.