Whenever her mother-in-law came to stay, Vanessa Trent would go out of her they should agree on what it means to be a wife and mother. Catch Caught between mother and wife The foundation for this relationship is set before marriage by getting to know each other very well. The thing is I want my kids to have a relationship with my parents, their grandparents, and I don't want the tension between my wife and my mother to take that.
Such a relationship could become overly protective and hamper growth. A mother credits herself with your creation and now has to share you with someone younger and prettier.
She wants to see you happy and fulfilled, but she does feel pangs of jealousy too. Your partner in crime and life, you both are going to raise children together, send them off into their own lives and grow old together.
The foundation for this relationship is set before marriage by getting to know each other very well. A wife feels like she has left her parents, friends, old life and sometimes country to be a part of yours and thus has high expectations. Prepare the ground Respect is the most vital element in balancing both these relationships.
How to Solve Matters between Your Mother & Wife
Your mother loves you unconditionally and will ignore disrespectful behaviour, but a wife has expectations and cannot forgive transgressions. This is the key to ensure that both women have equally important, and separate, roles to play in your life. Take interest in her work and friends. Continue traditions such as hugging her before going to work, taking her out for ice-cream, or simply talking about your day when you get home. This will make her feel involved in your life. The wife will see your mother as a pleasant facilitator and not an enemy.
If your mother likes cooking something for you, let her. Encourage your wife to prepare something that she is good at. In a light-hearted moment, Trent thanked Liz for buying him some new shirts, "especially the non-iron ones". Sometimes, the most you can hope for is a compromise Credit: Alamy "I made a joke about how Adrian really appreciated those particular shirts.
She looked at me and said: She then proceeded to tell me that she still felt it was my job to do them, even though Adrian agreed with me. Trent admits she is in the six out of 10 married women who can find their relationship with their mothers-in-laws a strain, according to Cambridge University research. Not quite family, but never really friends, the mother and daughter-in-law relationship has tension built into it from the start.
After all, it's a bond that brings women with different values and upbringings together with the expectation they should agree on what it means to be a wife and mother. There are now signs that this problematic relationship is coming under even further pressure. We no longer live in an era when a woman's chief role is still seen as a supporter of her spouse and a homemaker, yet it seems many mothers-in-law have trouble moving with the times if their daughter-in-law's career ends up affecting their sons or grandchildren.
They focus on whether they feel connected to their in-law. There is also a competitive aspect that comes into play.