Enneagram type 6 and 9 relationship myths

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The directional theory of the enneagram can be found here: 9 types 6 · 4 comments Source (The Essential Enneagram: The Definitive Personality Test and Fact: Sevens can sometimes end up staying in relationships that are not good for either I think they're some of the most maligned types online. Your Enneagram Can Help You Fall in Love—Here's Why ancient personality typing system and is divided into nine numbers and Enneagram types aren't going to give you a horoscope reading, TYPE SIX: The Loyalist. Different people have different personality types. How do personality differences impact relationships? According to the Enneagram there are nine types.

Ultimately hurt feelings may then ensue leading to angry, emotional outbursts and ultimately to withdrawal or rejection. There just may not be enough flow of giving and receiving to sustain the relationship. Relationship Development for Givers with Givers: Pride connected to giving leading to tendency to be overly helpfuldifficulty receiving, inattention to own needs, anger when needs go unmet or when feeling unappreciated, over-connection in relationships, and unhealthy focus on gaining approval.

What to Appreciate in Other Givers. Helpfulness, relationship orientation, genuine care and support, positivity, flexibility, and sensitivity to feelings. Express own needs and desires directly and encourage other Giver to do the same.

Enneagram Myths and Facts : Enneagram

Practice getting into the natural flow of giving and receiving. Conflict occurs when Givers experience Performers as discounting feelings and relationship issues, while Performers experience Givers as getting off task and wanting too much time and attention.

A cycle of increasing conflict can result with the two types polarizing — the Giver feeling rejected, getting emotional, and emoting anger and with the Performer feeling unrecognized and impatient and then disappearing into work. This pattern can result in withdrawal and eventually in alienation end to the relationship. Positive accomplishment orientation, enthusiasm, hopefulness, efficiency, and material support. Balance relationship and goal orientations.

Moderate shared characteristics of intensity, positivity, fast pace, and active force. Directly express own needs and desires. Work on developing receptive force of simply being present in the moment. Inattention to feelings, excessive focus on work and accomplishments, desire for recognition, and shared focus of wanting approval and constructing a good image.

Support and care, relationship orientation, generosity, positivity, flexibility, and sensitivity to the needs and feelings of others.

Balance goal and relationship orientations. Pay attention to own deeper needs and desires. Type 2, the Giver, and Type 4, the Romantic Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers try to satisfy the apparently needy Romantics, attempting to fulfill their needs. They can get caught up in the emotions and intensity of Romantics and lose their own sense of separateness. This cycle could lead to an unraveling of the relationship.

Tendency to overdo helpfulness, desire to keep life up, difficulty with deep and darker feelings, and need for appreciation, approval, and attention. Intensity, relationship orientation, idealization of what could be, depth of feelings, empathy, and authenticity. Practice steadiness since both types fluctuate emotionally. Work on becoming more self-directed and holding ground, especially in the presence of strong emotions and dissatisfaction.

Express own desires and needs. Remind the Romantic of what is positive and present. Need to feel special, not feeling satisfied or complete resulting in fluctuating emotions, tendency toward self-absorption and amplification of feelings, and difficulty appreciating what is present and positive.

Giving and caring quality, positive image, enthusiasm, desire to bring happiness, active forward moving energy, and flexibility. Work on assisting Givers in referencing to their own needs. Show appreciation and gratitude for the positives in life and for what Givers provide.

This relationship is truly an attraction of opposites. However, in wanting more connection and acknowledgement, Givers try to bring Observers forward into feelings and more sustained contact. Then Givers active energy can feel intrusive, overly emotional, and demanding to Observers, who then contracts and disengages. Angry outbursts, alienation, and even disruption of the relationship can ensue. Tendency to overdo helpfulness and become intrusive and over emotional, need for appreciation, approval and attention, and difficulty sustaining a separate or independent self.

Develop own autonomy or independence and inner life. Work on moderating claims for time, energy, and connection.

Encourage the Observer to move forward into life and feelings. Positivity and support, open-heartedness, engagement in life, social skills, generosity, and relationship focus. Move into feelings and stay engaged in life. Allow for dependency and nurturance. Thus, while appreciating Givers support and care, Loyal Skeptics may back off from or confront what they experience as too much attention. A cycle of escalating conflict can result polarizing the situation with the Loyal Skeptic getting accusatory and the Giver getting emotional.

Withdrawal can ensue as one or the other or both types attempt to reduce distress. Eventually, this pattern can cause a lasting disruption of the relationship. Tendency to overdo helpfulness, intrusive behavior, need for approval and attention, hidden dependence, and tendency to over influence with emotions.

Questioning mind, healthy skepticism, loyalty, concern for underdogs, analytic skills, warmth, and endurance. Notice and moderate intrusiveness the big forward-moving energyemotional claims, and helpfulness.

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Practice directness in expressing own needs and desires. Positivity and support, open-heartedness, responsiveness, genuine caring, generosity, and sensitivity to others.

Claim own authority and boundaries. State what actually is needed and desired. Encourage Giver to express own autonomy, needs, and desires. Reduce the tendency to magnify what can go wrong. Type 2, the Giver, and Type 7, the Epicure Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Both types enjoy the strengths they share in common — especially flexibility, friendliness and the love of freedom and the good life. However, Givers can find Epicures overly self-referencing and self-serving, hence not paying enough attention to the relationship or sufficiently reciprocating in give and take.

Givers can then feel neglected and unappreciated and become emotional, demanding, and guilt provoking. Epicures, on the other hand, can find Givers overly focused on others, intrusive, and too needy of attention. A cycle of ever-increasing conflict can occur as the Epicure, feeling smothered and limited, can respond with escapism and rationalization and the Giver with angry outbursts and emotionality, possibly resulting in alienation and deterioration and even destruction of the relationship.

Disowned needs and desires, preoccupation with relationship and connection, and tendency to become inadvertently emotionally controlling. The many interests and ideas, healthy self-interest, idealism, flexibility, and the shared optimism and quest for happiness Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship.

Relationships (Type Combinations) — The Enneagram Institute

Develop autonomy the separate or independent self. Work on providing the Epicure with space while maintaining connection. Express own deeper feelings, needs, and desires. Allow for slowing pace and increasing receptive force. Avoidance of painful feelings, difficulty accepting naturally occurring limits, tendency to avoid emotional commitment, and self-referencing to own interests and ideas.

Giving and caring nature, strong relationship focus, generosity, and the shared optimism and quest for happiness Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship. Commit to the relationship while asserting boundaries. Allow in feelings and concerns. In turn, the Protector often resists the influence and may react to feeling contained or manipulated with more confrontation and anger.

Feeling rejected and devalued, the Giver may withdraw or burst out in anger and emotion. This all can result in a deep rift in the relationship and repeated cycles of uncontained reactivity leading to destruction of the relationship.

Failure to focus on and express own needs, habit of altering to please, desire for attention and approval, intrusiveness, and potentially inadvertent emotionally manipulative behavior designed to soften and modify Protectors. What to Appreciate in Protectors. Power and strength, assertiveness, encouragement and support of desires, zest for life, directness, and protectiveness. Practice holding ground, expressing self directly, and claiming own needs.

Work at accepting, not changing, the Protector. Develop the separate or independent self. Become aware of and moderate intrusiveness and emotionality that the Protector experiences as controlling. Genuine care, helpfulness and willingness to give, sensitivity regarding feelings and relationships, and positive active energy. Develop sensitivity to feelings and allow in own vulnerabilities.

Manage energy expression and boundaries. Type 2, the Giver, and Type 9, the Mediator Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers and Mediators get along well together because they both are sensitive, pleasing, helpful, and accommodating.

But conflict arises when Givers become overly helpful and intrusive in an effort to get Mediators to set priorities, take initiatives, and say what they need even though Givers have great difficulty themselves with experiencing what they need. When this pattern persists, the relationship can deteriorate and even dissolve. Steadiness, patience, genuine care, acceptance of life, empathy, and the tendency to counter active energy with a slower pace and relaxed attitude. Notice and moderate emotions, pace, amount of advice.

Develop and express own separate and independent self. Work at personal priorities and needs and encourage the Mediator to do likewise. Genuine care, helpfulness, empathy, sensitivity regarding feelings, liveliness, and positive active energy. Work on own priorities, personal boundaries, and needs and encourage the Giver to do likewise. Take responsibility for own part in conflict. Be willing to confront intrusion and over giving. They can live parallel yet supportive lives with each taking on the tasks necessary to function and attain goals.

They may even become competitive, experience one another as obstacles in the path of attainment and success, and feel insufficiently recognized. A cycle of ever-increasing conflict can result when this occurs. Then each can get frustrated, impatient, angry, and distance himself or herself from each other, leading to alienation and distant co-existence or dissolution of the relationship. Inattention to feelings and relationship issues, excessive focus on work and accomplishments, desire for too much recognition, and difficulty slowing pace.

What to Appreciate in Other Performers. Notice pace and moderate pace and allow in the receptive force. Encourage expression of feelings in each other associated with the development of the receptive force. Create time for non-work related activities and simply the relationship. Recognize that love comes from being, not doing. Performers wanting approval try harder, yet often still disappoint the Romantic who pursues the ideal relationship. This pattern can result in a sustained gulf between them and even lead to dissolution of the relationship.

Idealism, deep feelings, sensitivity to others, creative disposition, and quest for authenticity and depth. Allow self to experience depth of true feelings and more receptive force. Pay attention to and support the relationship. Attention going to what is missing rather than what is present, imbalance regarding feeling versus doing preoccupation with feelings and sometimes inattention to doingdesire for more attention and special treatment, and tendency to become self-centered.

Support for action, sustained effort, optimism, practicality, goal focus, and competence. Stay active and present even when feeling deficient. Balance the human feeling side of endeavors with action. Acknowledge own sense of wanting more attention and depth. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 5, the Observer Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Performers and Observers support each other in work projects and shared activities. As neither type habitually attends to feelings, they are unlikely to resolve the situation through dialogue and expression of personal feelings.

They may become alienated and lonely leading eventually to termination the relationship. Pressure to move ahead, focus mainly on tasks and goals, impatience with analysis, shared difficulty in expressing personal feelings, and tendency to cut corners. Thoughtful analysis, thinking before doing, dispassion and relative calm under pressure, and undemanding quality. Allow for periods of inactivity and reflection while encouraging the Observer to stay engaged. Work on shared difficulty in paying attention to feelings.

Respect boundaries and different work styles. Nines remain modestly camouflaged in the background so as not to inconvenience anyone. They minimize their hopes and expectations so they won't get upset. Average Nines dislike change and take comfort in tradition and conventions because they bring stability and permanence.

They are extremely agreeable and conciliatory. A favourite saying of Nines is "It doesn't matter to me. Informing others of their wants or opinions sometimes feels like aggression that may threaten the relationship. It's best not to make a scene; to say yes when they mean no; and not question the status quo.

Nines accommodate to avoid conflict. Unfortunately, this behaviour makes Nines easy targets to be taken advantage of by others. This connection makes them feel part of a greater whole. Nines have lost their sense of self by erasing their own assertion, but they try to reclaim it through their idealized union with their partner.

Average Nines suppress their wants and minimize their needs. They tune out and disengage from the world. They lose themselves in comforting routines television, gardening, hobbies.

They focus on the feeling of unity with the world or with others. Their attention to the real world becomes unfocussed and vague. They have a hard time dealing with change and try to ignore pressure to do so. They ignore, avoid, and sweep problems under the rug.

Nines try to make a deal with Life: Nines can't understand why others would want them to change. Average Nines accommodate too much to others and no longer develop themselves as individuals.

They are neither introspective, or self-questioning. They lack self-awareness and initiative.

  • Personality Type Nine
  • MODERATORS

They are indifferent and feel no sense of urgency. They procrastinate, seeing no reason to be pushed out of their complacency. Both types tend to personify "middle of the road" values in their time and culture, to be dutiful, respectful of authority, and to abide by the rule of law. On the other hand, there is a rebellious streak in Sixes and a counterculture streak in Nines that allows some of these couples to live on the fringes of society, to be unusual in their lifestyle and beliefs, to be free thinkers and unconcerned about conventional values and mores.

More for Sixes and Nines than for most couples, much depends on their belief systems and the quality of their childhood experiences—and they are looking for a partner who will mirror this, including their own beliefs and reactions.

To this mix, there are also complementary differences: Sixes bring a more active mind, questioning and alert to exceptions, to problems, and to safety issues. They can be more skeptical of others and find it more difficult to be trusting: Nines, on the other hand, are usually trusting and unquestioning, sunny and easy to get along with. They are optimistic and steady, offering support and non-threatening acceptance.

If Sixes tend to see the exception and to focus on complications, Nines tend to see the general and to focus on what will work without problems. This couple gets along well, greasing each other's wheels and adding just enough gas to the mix to keep them moving forward together.