Butch and femme relationship

The Struggles of Butch/Butch Relationships

butch and femme relationship

I was intrigued by the butch-femme dynamic that seemed to be so steeped in who makes it her priority to maintain the best interest of your relationship. If not. But what's important to me is the butch/femme energy exchange, because that's what drives a true butch/femme relationship and keeps it going at a nice pace. I'm not entirely sure what people mean when they reference “the roles,” but it made me want to define butch–femme relationships for myself.

If she deems it necessary to leave a situation, leave first, ask questions later. There are certain scenarios and situations that can be cause for concern for masculine identified women that we femmes might not notice. For a butch woman, the rules are different. As femmes, we are less likely to offend the general public based solely on our appearance.

A Guide to Dating Butch Women - AfterEllen

In sharing life with a butch woman, you may learn that the conveniences afforded to you have changed. When your partner communicates to you that a certain situation is potentially dangerous, heed her words. And I now have to live with some of the damage I caused by questioning what she knows to be true through her lived experience. Trust that your butch lady is keen to what is safe and what is not.

There are other versions of this type of behavior, each having its own specific type of offender and victim. Google Matt Damon and whitesplaining if you need an update.

Yes, we femmes are gay women and are not immune to prejudice due to our sexuality. But, our experiences as lesbians can, in many ways, be quite different—and sometimes easier. When your butch girlfriend or wife trusts you enough to share some of her struggles being a masculine woman, believe her.

butch and femme relationship

Have you ever felt completely unheard and misunderstood when sharing this with a man? Has a man ever tried to diminish that experience or talk you out of what you know to be true? How did that feel? Remember that when your beautiful butch lady opens up. When she shares her struggle, listen and handle with care. Before we can share them with the people we love, we first have to take time to process for ourselves. Keep this in mind when your butch partner begins to open up to you about her experiences as a masculine identified woman.

Know that this type of communication may leave her feeling a bit vulnerable. Just listen to her and speak with love. In general, when we build a romantic relationship with someone, we want nothing more than to have empathy for their hardship. We know that, if we can walk through that pain, we can love our partners on a deeper level.

The (Real) Truth About Butch vs Femme

And, although facing their pain in such a real way may hurt, it will only serve to further solidify the bond that we share. Unfortunately for us femmes, when it comes to understanding our butch counterparts, there will always be a barrier that cannot be crossed.

butch and femme relationship

And that barrier is lived experience. As a lesbian woman who has been feminine throughout my life, I cannot fully understand what it is like to live as my wife; a butch woman. I have not walked through this world knowing that being who I am is an affront to the sensibilities of many.

  • A Guide to Dating Butch Women
  • The (Real) Truth About Butch vs Femme
  • Butch and femme

I simply cannot understand. I can empathize and ask questions and listen. We are yin and yang — seemingly oppositional forces that are actually complementary and interconnected. We offer a devoted appreciation for the gender expression of the other, an affirmation of intrinsic qualities that make us who we are.

Each of us is unique, with our own blend of characteristics along a gender spectrum. We all carry both masculine and feminine aspects within ourselves. So if femmes are strong and self-sufficient badasses that choose to be soft with their butches, and butches are nurturers that protect and pleasure their femmes through their expressions of masculinity, how does that resemble the patriarchy of old?

Masculine Woman Seeking Same: The Struggles of Butch/Butch Relationships

When I am with a masculine partner, my sense of feminine power is intensified. Rather than feeling subordinate or weak, I feel a heightened sense of self. Her masculinity not only contrasts my femininity, but amplifies it. Within the butch—femme dance, I feel appreciated for my very essence. My every curve is a path to explore; my flirtations, bold or demure, are received and returned with equal desire. Another way to look at this is that I want my partner to treat me well and to validate my feminine expression.

In order for a butch to be a good partner to me they must love deeply, wish to protect my heart, and respect my intellect and rightful sense of self-determination. Recently I found a huge spider in my laundry room. My initial reaction was to scream. Then I pulled out a tape measure to document its size, and then I killed it.

I take pleasure in breaking the expectations of what a femme can do and be. Femmes are sacred and to be cherished. Butches are sacred and to be cherished. I loved a romantic dreamer who proudly claimed her butch identity.